Women: Love vs. Lust in Relationships

In today’s society as well as times past, women have played a complex role in relationships and have faced various obstacles. Such obstacles include the question of whether or not to engage in intimate acts and at what point in the relationship. Each of the works, “The Gilded-Six Bits”, “I Being Brown a Woman and Distressed”, as well as “To His Coy Mistress” present a common theme of the role women play in relationships. These works also address sex, the meaning of sex in a relationship, and the way women, in particular are impacted by these decisions.
Andrew Marvell’s “To His Coy Mistress” addresses these points, but from a uniquely male perspective. In this poem, ultimately the speaker is attempting to seduce his mistress into having sex with him. In the first stanza he flatters and impresses her with compliments, his vast knowledge of the world, and Biblical references. In the second stanza the speaker references time, as “a winged chariot hurrying near”. This is a significant point because it exemplifies the reason why Marvell’s piece is classified as “Carpe Diem” poetry. By means of the speaker’s lusty desires, he intends to seduce his mistress into have the sex with him before time passes both of them by. He asserts that her beauty will begin to fade as she ages, as well as the fact that preserving her virginity is turning her “honor to dust” (29). Although the audience is not presented with the mistress’ perspective, we can insinuate from the title and year of publication, that the woman in the poem had an image to uphold and a standard by which to abide according to society. While it would be frowned up for her to have sexual relations out of wedlock with multiple men, it would be frowned upon in the same manner if kept her virginity for too long. Thus, the theme of this piece is to take advantage of the opportunities presented, for “we cannot make our sun stand still” (45-46).
A similar theme is presented in Edna St. Vincent Millay’s piece, “I Being Born a Woman and Distressed”, although the speaker tells her story from a woman’s perspective. The woman telling her story in this piece illustrates the lusty and passionate nature of her desires when she tells her lover she yearns to “feel a certain zest, To bear your body’s weight upon my breast” (4-5). However, she fails to take into account the consequences of her actions, which she characterizes as “treason” (9). Using this language provides insight into the motivation of her actions, pure physical satisfaction. The speaker recognizes the hastiness of such a lusty act, and casts off her lover in the final lines of the poem, “I find this frenzy insufficient reason for conversation when we meet again”. Although she is aware that she does not gain anything from arbitrary relations with such men, it is the attention that she seeks and ultimately leaves her “once again undone, possessed” (8).
Zora Neale Hurston explores the dual roles of love and sex in a married relationship, such as the one between Joe and Missy Mae in “The Gilded Six-Bits”. In this piece, Joe believes he is the only man in his wife, Missy Mae’s life. Although he knows that she loves him unconditionally, he is somewhat betrayed when he witnesses her committing an adulterous act, with Otis Slemmons, a wealthy business owner in town. Missy Mae pleads that it was only out of desire for the gold pocket watch Slemmons promised her, although she later discovers it was fake. The depth of their love and commitment to each other helps Joe recognize the hastiness of his wife’s lustful actions. It is not until the birth of their first-born son that their love is finally requited. Through her actions Missy Mae learns the strength of her married bond and the value of a relationship that is not purely physical.
Each of the pieces addresses elements of a common theme, the role of women in relationships. In addition, the women in each story present a unique perspective that helps to distinguish the importance of physical displays of love in a relationship and the impact on the parties involved. While hasty passionate decisions may result in satisfaction during the moment, we learn through the women in all of the works that there is much more to a relationship than sex.