The Jesuit Examen and Self Awareness

This past weekend I took part in the second of two freshman retreats that Loyola offered this year. I enjoyed it very much and I learned a great deal from the leaders and from my peers. Our weekend was spent listening to talks and getting involved in discussions that were based on a particular theme: one of not only self discovery, but also of discovery of God and the spiritual aspect of truly knowing one’s self. Topics included things such as problems with identity because of two parents with different religious backgrounds and problems with being able to find friends that you are truly happy with and can be yourself with. The Jesuit aspect of this retreat that I learned the most about was the concept of Discernment and, more specifically, the Examen. The Examen is a simple way for a person to get in touch with himself. First, he must tell God what he is thankful for (keeping in mind that every amazing thing around him is made by God). Then, he must acknowledge the difficulties facing him that day. Finally, he must offer up his day to God and surrender to God’s will. The Examen, I learned from Fr. Rossi in a chat I had with him, can be molded for each person to fit his or her own desires. The Examen is a quick way to greater self knowledge and understanding. One can see the situations that occur when awareness of an inner-self becomes very important. In “The Birthmark” one can see the dangers of physical obsessions while in “The Yellow Wallpaper” the reader sees that the author, the one with the most extensive knowledge of herself, is trapped because she, in many ways, knows what could make her feel better, but she is held back by her husband. Finally, “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud” shows how much self knowledge and finding God in All Things can help a soul to rejoice.
The Examen emphasizes knowledge of one’s inner, conscious self. Hawthorne’s “The Birthmark” shows how things can backfire when physical obsession is held above spiritual growth and knowledge. The story tells of a husband’s (and scientist) obsession with a small birth mark on his wife’s cheek. “He found this defect grow more and more intolerable with every moment of their united lives” (Hawthorne, 346). His obsession and misery grows so much that his wife cannot stand the defect any more- “either remove this dreadful (birthmark) or take my wretched life!” (Hawthorne, 347). The story tells of the dangers of only caring about appearances rather than using something like the Examen and learning what someone has to offer. People need to know other people intimately, or else, often, they will define others by their physical appearances- just as Georgiana comes to be defined by her birth mark. Despite her other qualities, the one thing that cannot be passed over and the one thing that ends up killing her is a harmless birthmark. The Jesuit Examen helps others to penetrate past the outer shell to get into the real spirituality and defining substance of a person.
In Gilman’s “The Yellow Wallpaper”, I am surprised by how much the author actually knows about herself, but she is prevented from trying to help herself by her overbearing (and seemingly expert) physician/husband. “Personally, I disagree with their ideas. Personally, I believe that congenial work, with excitement and change, would do me good” (Gilman, 285). In this story, the author is self aware, but she still is not able to act on her own. She is still a prisoner of others’ beliefs and obsessions with their own observations and stereotypes on women. The Examen seeks to help self awareness develop, but this awareness must be pursued each and every day and cannot be conveniently changed to fit comfortably into the social framework.
Wordsworth’s “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud” sounds like it could be a depressing poem because of the title. The author begins by stating how lonely he is, but by the end his “heart with pleasure fills,/And dances with the daffodils” (Wordsworth, 23-24). This, I believe, is the beauty of self awareness that can be brought about by the Jesuit Examen that I learned about on my retreat last weekend. Even though he is alone, the poet can rejoice in the things around him- he can praise God for all things and see the beauty in everything. Thus, he can be happy, alone with only himself.
The Examen seems like a very powerful and effective tool that can be used to create a greater sense of connection and self-knowledge within a person. The readings illustrate very well the dangers of less than adequate self knowledge and they also serve as a reminder of what can be attained- true happiness and acceptance of one’s self through his own knowledge of who he is and what he wants.